Yesterday, while I was running late getting from Hailey's Summer Camp to my work in the morning, I found that there is a need for a review of what street signs mean. It seems as people are ignoring them now, or are just not able to read them, due to a rampant illiteracy problem. Here are a few that I struggled with on the road yesterday morning, which resulted in a lot of anxiety, screaming/yelling, and anger. Help keep our streets safe from me, people.
This sign, as is written on it, states that the speed limit in the zone that it is present in, is 55 mph. That's 55 miles per hour, for those that don't know what mph stands for. 55 MILES PER FUCKING HOUR!!! NOT 40 or 45!!! IM LATE YOU STUPID RED VAN WITH ONLY ONE OLD MAN IN IT!! I'm sorry you can't drive your molesta-van faster than 45 while you're scouting for stray little kids to lure with candy, but some of us have to GET TO WORK! Some of us don't molest kids for a living!
This sign, like is written on it, states that the speed limit for the zone it is present in is 30 mph, or 30 miles per hour. NOT 20!!! THAT'S RIGHT NOT TWENTY FUCKING MILES PER HOUR!! I'm talking to YOU, hippy lady in the grey Subaru!! Some of us have to get to work, and don't have time to drive 20 miles per hour at 8 AM to look around dizzy from our patchouli insense burning in the car, and 2 ounces of weed we just fucking smoked to 'totally notice how rad the trees look in the morning'. FUCK YOU!
And finally we have this motherfucker. It clearly states that the 15 MPH speed is only in effect at the times listed on SCHOOL DAYS!! HEY YOU FUCKHOLE IN THE BEAT UP PINTO! I know it's been ages since you got kicked out of elmentary school for being borderline retarded, BUT SINCE WHEN IS ANY DAY IN JULY EVEN CLOSE TO A SCHOOL DAY!!! SCHOOLS OUT IN MAY, JUNE AT LATEST DIPSHIT!! Get off the road, stop driving, keep picking your nose, and admiring your boogies, and let me get to work!! Or maybe you're a molester like the first asshole going 45 in a 55 zone, driving by the school depressed, as you think about how much more lively and exciting it was when there were hundreds of kids skipping to school at that time, during the regular school year. Either way, get off my road ASSHOLE!
Phew, that was better than therapy. Seriously, follow the signs people.
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