What I NEED to do is hurry up and process the photos from my mother's funeral, but my mind doesn't WANT to. As a photographer, I work on photos in the order that I've taken them. Well, the oldest photos I've taken are of my mom's wake/funeral. I haven't felt like taking photographs of much of anything since then, but the few I have taken are slowly starting to back up, and lay there untouched, because I didn't think I was ready to work on them yet. I still feel I am not ready to work on them yet. I just see them in passing, and my mind goes to a dark place.
But, I really need to. I can't get on with being a photographer until I do. So many people are waiting patiently for an update, and are disappointed weekly with nothing new going up. But, even knowing this, and telling myself I need to work on them everyday...I still find some way to avoid doing them.
I think it's because I'm scared. Of what, I have yet to find out.
You might be scared of feeling those intense feelings again. We rarely tackle them on purpose! Most of the time we have to come at them sideways. Try stepping back a little and process them as if they weren't yours. Use your eyes instead of your heart. It will still hurt, but you might be able to have closure with the fear. Just sayin' :D
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